Dear
[ ] Newbie [ ] Lamer [ ] AOLer
[ ] "Me too"er [ ] Pervert [ ] WebTVer
[ ] Spammer [ ] Nerd [ ] Pre-teen
[ ] Smartass [ ] Freak [ ] Dumbass
[ ] All of the above

You Are Being Flamed Because
[ ] You posted using Microsoft's crappy & buggy program
[ ] You expect us to send all the replies to your mailbox
[ ] You posted asking for warez sites
[ ] You want to know how to write viruses
[ ] You continued a long/stupid thread
[ ] You begun an off-topic thread
[ ] You posted a "YOU ALL SUCK" message
[ ] You are a troll
[ ] You tried to take on this whole newsgroup (see "troll" above)
[ ] You are a lamer
[ ] You quoted a long article without snipping
  [ ] in a very short reply
[ ] You flamed a poor guy in distress trying to find some help
[ ] You flamed someone who is more intelligent than you
[ ] You flamed someone who has been around far longer than you
[ ] You flamed someone for making a spelling mistake
  [ ] and misspelled something yourself
[ ] You said "me too" to something. We hate you people.
[ ] You suck.
[ ] Your
    [ ] Signature
    [ ] Domain name
    [ ] Alias
    [ ] Website
    [ ] ISP
    [ ] Newsreader
  sucks
[ ] You posted an ad
  [ ] for a phone-sex line
  [ ] for a porn site
  [ ] for a company that "pays you to surf"
    [ ] for the reason that you would gain references
    [ ] to non-relevant groups
    [ ] and is probably a scam anyway
   [ ] which sucks since nobody asked for it
[ ] You posted a stupid pyramid scheme and claimed it was legal.
[ ] You spam
  [ ] in HTML
[ ] You are wasting bandwidth
[ ] You posted a binary into a non-binaries group
[ ] You never post anything other that text to binaries groups
[ ] YOU POSTED IN ALL CAPS
[ ] You posted in eLiTe CaPS
[ ] You posted in HTML
[ ] You posted shite
  [ ] in HTML
[ ] You continually post telling us what time you are on/offline
  [ ] and refuse to stop
[ ] You started a flame-war
  [ ] and lost
[ ] You keep sending a stupid scam to this group
[ ] You submitted e-mail addresses to spambots/"mailing" lists
  [ ] causing mail servers to crash
  [ ] causing people to change their e-mail address
[ ] Anything above has been pointed out before

To Repent, You Must
[ ] Give up your AOL/WebTV account
[ ] Tell your Mummy you've been a bad boy
[ ] Jump into a bathtub while holding your monitor
[ ] Post something relevant (or not at all)
[ ] Be the guest of honor in alt.flame for a month
[ ] Delete your news/mail client and burn the disks
[ ] Right click on this newsgroup and click "unsubscribe"
[ ] Pack your computer and send it to me
[ ] Actually tell the truth about Office 2000

In Closing, I Would Like To Say
[ ] Get a life
[ ] Don't do it ever again please
[ ] Never post again
[ ] Age 10 more years before you post again
[ ] I pity your dog
[ ] CAPS LOCK is on the left
[ ] Go to hell
[ ] I hate your news/mail client
  [ ] And so does everyone else
[ ] Everybody here hates you
[ ] Learn to quote
[ ] All of the above
[ ] Merry Christmas and a Cool Yule!

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