Horoscopes:
What the stars can tell us about our selves.
Aries
You tend to be headstrong and deliberate in your actions, basically you don't give a shit. You're the type of person who'd masturbate at a wedding.
Taurus
Warm and caring are your most endearing characteristics, you get on well with most people because you are
bisexual. You hardly ever wear underwear and you constantly smell of piss.
Gemini
Your star sign denotes an air of duality in your character.
Simply a neurotic schizophrenic, a real fucking weirdo, the type of person who'd
kill themselves to win a bet.
Cancer
You have a business-like
attitude to life and a knack for making money. You're an unscrupulous bastard
who would sell relatives to buy a mobile phone. You're highly likely to be
murdered.
Leo
The adventurous type always looking for thrills and willing
to do anything . In other words, stupid. You have the IQ of a garden snail and
will never amount to anything. Most Leos are living on welfare.
Virgo
You like the good things in
life and you know how to enjoy them, but you are prone to bullshitting and
you're a cheap bastard. Virgo men are usually queers and the majority of Virgo
women are whores.
Libra
You are the forgiving type and you don't bare grudges. This
makes you an asshole. For your entire life people will make a complete prick of
you. Nobody will go to your funeral.
Scorpio
You are sharp and a quick
thinker and good at puzzles. However, these are your only good traits. You screw
small animals and love picking your nose. You will always have snot on your
clothes.
Sagittarius
You are the romantic type and soft hearted, and a lover of
arts. You are likely to import Dutch pornography and sex toys. You thrive on
incest.
Capricorn
You are deep and personal
in your thoughts, your are the quiet type. A mean self-centred and a closet
homosexual. Your best friend is probably an altar boy.
Aquarius
You are the academic type and will probably be working in
the legal sector. This means you're an absolute pervert- at least a
transvestite. Your ideal partner is a Labrador puppy wearing fishnet tights.
Pisces
You are the eternal optimist, seeing the best of any situation. You have no grasp of reality and live in a dream world. Most people consider you to be the greatest living moron. You will continually fail.
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